Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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