Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
