I need help removing her.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
