would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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