What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
