If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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