Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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