So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
