he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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