My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He shit in the fireplace
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
