I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
