How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
