i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
