We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
