You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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