I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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