You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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