I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
