The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
