yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
