The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
