the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
