i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
