I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
