Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
