yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
