We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
