Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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