Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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