Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
