He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
