I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The Olympian is in my bed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
