I heard we made out
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
