I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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