This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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