my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
