A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
