dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Less talking, more tequila
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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