is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
