She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
