God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
