Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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