Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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