When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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