I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
