Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
