She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
