Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
