I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
