I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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