yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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