if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
