I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
