I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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