i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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